So, I go into SUPER Walmart the other day 'cause I need to buy me some toothpaste. A tube of paste usually lasts me nearly a decade, but I somehow misplaced the latest tube... or maybe I ate the contents during one of my 'night of the living dead' moments. Who knows? Anyway, since I was in there, I thought to myself, "DUDE! ...you should just buy the crap you need now, you won't have to come back..." The idea sounded good... So I grab a me a germ infested cart, yeah, it had a sticky handle, I didn't know what it was, and I wasn't about to taste it. I try again, this time the fucking wheel is jammed. GRR!!!!! ...I'm getting a little pissed about now, and there were only 2 more carts left... I had to choose between a rusted cart that made a noise like it had square wheels, which would've annoyed the shit out of me... so I chose the cart that made it's own turns when ever the fuck it felt like it. I managed not to kill anybody; however, I accidentally ran into the ass of a gangster boy's woman... He looked at me and said, "watch where the fuck you drive that thing, ay!" ...I laughed and said, "Ok, my bad..." Then I turned and shook my head. ...but NOoOoOo, he couldn't just accept my apology, the little fucker had to be tuff! Now he wanted to know what the fuck I was laughing at... I could've told him there was a joke on the cereal box, but instead I said, "...you, you act like you're gonna do something." That's where I got told to go fuck myself... Where's the respect for elders these days? Hahahaha!
After I gathered my healthy food, (Milk, bread, bologna, cheese, taquitos, and salsa) my scavenger hunt began. Damn, this turned into a day of hard decision making... I go to the damn tooth paste aisle and find about 200 different kinds of paste! I was in shock! ...I didn't know what I wanted, I nearly broke down and started crying... I don't really care for the paste, I like the gels, but I was under so much fuckin' pressure, I grabbed the paste. Then I tossed it in my basket, and made my way to the shampoo and other cleansing stuff, but not before I rammed the cart into a shelf. I swear, the Walmart gods hate me! I got shampoo, and body soap... but I needed some hand soap, I bought some, it later turned out that it was lotion, LOTION!!!!!!!!! I don't need any lotion!!!!!!!!! GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...blogging this is pissing me off so I'm gonna stop now... Fucking walmart and their fucking... UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bon Jovi for Senator??
So, there was nothing on the boob tube last night, so I flipped and flipped. And flipped as I may, I still couldn't find anything good like a re-run of Who's the boss. But wait!!! What's that? Bon Jovi on Larry King Live? No. Yes? IT IS!!!! So I lay the remote down and tuned in.
Let me just say. I despise actors/actresses that think their political views should be followed just because they can act. I expected the conversation between the Jersey Hair Rocker and Larry King to go something like this:
Larry King: Hello Bon Bon, hee hee, I said Bon Bon. Like a candy. I bet you get that alot....
Jon Bon leans over and asks for some hairspray to touch up his doo.
Jon Bon: I'm so totally rockin' man. Yeah!!!
Larry King: How do you feel about Richie Sambora getting all the hottie mc hot hot's?
Jon Bon: I love it, man! They give me tips on hairstylin'! I'm sooooo totally rockin' man. Yeah!!!
Larry King: Do you still make records?
Jon Bon: We like to call ourselves the Stones of this generation. Yeah man!!!
But instead of that, it went WELL. Jon, is very intelligent and well spoken. (except he really does think his band is the Stones of this generation). Instead of flocking to celeb wives and divorcing, he's been married to the same chic for 20+ years and still talked fondly of her. I'm impressed. When confronted with the questions of politics he was well poised and spoke intelligently.
I take back my remark that he's probably some "fascist nut job". He's pretty rational.
Anyway, that's all for now folks!
Yes, I'm afraid, I'm addicted. What's worse, is I save my blueberry waffles and butter and syrup untill the show is on. As if to mock them. If you haven't seen this celeb-reality show, you must. It's got washed up actors that have thrown caution to the wind and rendezvous'ed with food. Don't poke fun at them per se, but at the notion of throwing a skinny man on the show. What in all things holy were they thinking? What a slap in the face to the true chub rubs like Carnie Wilson. Laugh if you must, but I'm digging her! Girls' got inspiration! So, the teams break down as such:
Tina Yothers (Jennifer from Family Ties)
Ted Lange (Love Boat)
Vincent Pastore (various mafia flicks)
some moody/skinny guy (he really needs a Chuck Norris roundhouse to the jugular)
and that baywatch babe Erika Something or other (whom by the way, I think she's heavier than 152 pounds)
I don't remember the rest of their team. They're gonna lose anyway.
They have to take the Physical Exam if you will each episode and compete. The team with the most combined weight loss wins that episode. Brilliant. But what's with this angry skinny man? Who is he? He is Nicholas Turturro. You might remember him as in EXTRA in the 1989 flick "Do the Right Thing". No? Me either. Anywho, why does his wife put wind chimes on the junk food cabinet so she'll hear him if he sneaks a chip. Please, any closet junk food fan knows, chimes can be silenced. What a ditzy broad.
I think I'll leave you guys with a little nostalgia. Enjoy!
Natalie here, reporting the sadness that is Hollywood. What has happened to all our cherished stars? Do they sucomb to some invisible, powerful and potent gas upon entering the gates of California? Granted, their bizarre-ness makes for a great time passer whilst standing in line at the grocery, but still. I don't know what's worse. Their behaviour on drugs I.E. the 80's and 90's or their behaviour on religion and obsessive privacy disorders (Tom Cruise). I'm thinking they were far more entertaining while snorting powder. Cruel, but true. Look at Denis Leary. His first tour "No Cure for Cancer" rocked. It was hilarious. He was coked up. His next dump of a comedy tour was "Locked and Loaded" of which he certainly was not. Neither were the reviews. It gained about the same level of applause Paula Abdul's comeback received. Minus Emilio Estivez's vote.
They're a league of their own nowadays. You've got a vast cast. There's Mel Gibson, Willie Aames, That one Baldwin fellow, Tom Cruise, and Kirkland Cameron. I almost forgot Michael Anthony Hall. He's not on a religious kick. (That I know of, but did you see him in "A Gnome named Gnorm"? Me neither. )
A year ago I wouldn't have mentioned my loveable Mikey Seaver. But I'm facing facts. All the tell-tale signs were there. I just chose to ignore them. I filed in the back of my brain right next to the bad date file. First you had his face on the cover the "Left Behind" books. Then you had his performance in the movies. Lastly and most devastingly....I was flipping through the channels one day when I saw him. First time in years. I nearly tripped over myself turning up the volume and zeroing in on him. I saw something I had never noticed before. I saw a Bulge. Yep. His Man Bulge. Hey! Don't judge me!!! It's not like you didn't watch as Alyssa Milano grew up in front of the public eye. That's what I though. Hmpft. My eyes were certainly in focus and soon, to my dissapointment, my hearing began to focus. What I heard would finally sink in. That bulge I referred to? It wasn't evidence of his manhood. It was probably a Bible. Boo.
What's with these guys? I'm a christian, but you don't see me stalking people on the streets and telling them they are evil and corrupt because they laughed at Naked Gun 1 1/2. Although, I probably should. I wonder what the eternal punishment for hanging out with a kid named "Boner" for several seasons would be?
That was a poster my Grand Pappi made when he was running for another year of District Attorney. The poster is framed at my Uncle's now, here's my best photo of it:
I love my family. I can not wait to have one of my own in due time. I'm the granddaughter of a man that was Bowling Green's Prosecuter for 36 years and can count the cases he lost on one hand. Pretty brilliant. He's switched gears now and is a defense attorney, mainly specializing in remedial crimes...he's 84. He's cheaper than the public defender and has a heart of gold. He's a very special and dear man. Had he not followed the law profession, he wanted to be a cartoonist. One day my father was at the flea market and found a painting that had my grandfathers signature on it. It was $25 and my father bought it. All us grandkids, ants, uncles...we fight over his art b/c if he has his way, it would be trash. He's been featured on A&E and is in several books, one of which, I'll edit later with the name. I've googled the man in the past, and found him on a website for bald men. Anyway, he wrote for them and this is one of the excerpts:
A Self Portrait By: Morris Lowe
Morris Lowe, A Retired Bald Guy Who Served As The Warren County Commonwealth's Attorney For 36 Years, Shares His Thoughts On Being Both A Prosecutor And Bald, And Proud Of Both Some words of wisdom from Morris Lowe:
1) Never cross-examine a defendant's mother;
2) Always try to get bald guys on the jury;
3) Good news and bad news about being bald:good news - a haircut doesn't take long,bad news - but it costs the same;
4) I have noted with alarm that Bowling Green has built a new $34 million Justice Center with no hat racks. Bald guys need hats. It appears to be discrimination;
5) The politicians should beware. There are more of us bald guys than you can imagine. We are a force. We could be a 4th political party.
Last night was my brother's 26th birthday. After the gifts, and dinner my dad presented to him something precious. Me and my brother were both active in high school with sports, I on the swim team and Jonah with football and baseball. My parents were adamant about that. It kept us preoccupied they'd say. I'll always remember that my parents were ALWAYS at a swim meet or a ball game, and in the event we had both on the same night, one parent would go to one, while the other would go to another. It was embarrassing, but looking back, I couldn't have been more lucky.
After every ball game that my brother played, my father would collect all of his home run balls. He'd wander around in the thickets and brush and find the ball, then mark it with a sharpie , the yard's it went , what field, the year, and the game.
Mom and dad are selling the house now, and deep gutting all of the closets, and they've come across these balls...allllll of them....and they presented Jonah with them last night. It was really something special. No amount of money can buy a memory. One of the balls was labeled "no hitter" My dad, reluctant to even give my brother any of them in the first place, took that one for himself. (Afterall, Jonah is just a boy...and the balls could end up in the back yard!!!! )
I really am blessed to have such a family.
A few brainstorms and adjustments later, here I rest. I'm not too sure about this Blogger biz, but hopefully I'll come to accept, love, and nurture it as if it were my home on MYSPACE. Oh how I miss you guys. The useless banter, the caddy drama, and most of all I miss my pals. Yes, even you. On the other hand, I've been more productive at work...well, that is, untill I found BLOGGER. We'll see how it goes. I feel like a tad pole in a sea of frogs here. It's somewhat confusing. If you have a blogspot, add me. I may need some help in learning how to add you back though...so help me there! In other news, in the medical realm of things, they've narrowed it all down to either becoming lactose intolerant or having IBS. Either way, they've just taken all of the fun out of eating. Pfft. Me? Lactose Intolerant? Please. I twist a nozzle onto teets of cows kentucky wide and have at it. How very Tom Greene of me, I know. Not so much a milk fan really, but milk products.
P.s. Have I mentioned I miss you all?
P.s.s. What's become of Patrick Swayze? I realize his one great shot at acting laid within the cinematic piece we know today as "Roadhouse"...but really....what has happened to him?? He wasn't a prize to begin with and now....now....he's just reached Corey Haim'sville.